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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22546003">An Old Life</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/FriendlyFlower/pseuds/FriendlyFlower'>FriendlyFlower</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Mental Illness Centric Content [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>AO3 Tags - Freeform, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Magic, Backstory, Birthday, Birthday Presents, Character Development, Childhood Trauma, Confusion, Diary/Journal, Domestic Violence, F/M, Foreshadowing, Gift Fic, Guidance Counselors, High School, I know I'm supposed to Show instead of Tell, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Implied/Referenced Torture, Insanity, Loss of Trust, Medical Trauma, Monika is a bit of a weirdo at the start, Monika's Backstory, POV Female Character, Panic Attacks, Paranoia, Prequel, Psychological Trauma, Punishment, Revenge, Sadism, Tags Are Fun, Trauma, Trust Issues, Victim Blaming, Whether Monika is a reliable narrator or not is up for debate, actually i think she's like that for the whole story, but it's hard to do that for diary stories, but then again so am i lol, especially at the end, so just read this with a grain of salt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 15:07:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,015</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22546003</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/FriendlyFlower/pseuds/FriendlyFlower</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Prequel to (https://archiveofourown.org/works/18411071) and (https://archiveofourown.org/works/21491326)</p><p>Monika might be messed up, but she wasn’t born that way. How did she fall so far from reality? Read to find out!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Mental Illness Centric Content [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1322702</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>An Old Life</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatGuyWhoPlaysIsaac/gifts">ThatGuyWhoPlaysIsaac</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Please read all tags before preceeding. Thanks!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>September 22, 2017</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dear Diary,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>you’re probably wondering what’s going on, right? After all, this is the first time ink has flowed on your paper.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Well, Mom bought you for me because today is my birthday! Today, I’m 17.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I could go on about the reasons why she bought you as my gift, but to cut a long story short, she doesn’t trust me. She won’t say it, but ever since she caught me writing smut, she assumes anything I write is innapropriate. I bet she’ll secretly read my diary when I’m at school!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So, I probably won’t write in you very often. If I do, it’ll be something that I won’t care if she reads.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Talk to you later.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sayonara, Monika</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>January 1, 2018</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dear Diary,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Today is not my day.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>First, my Mom and Dad were yelling at each other.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then, my Dad and Mom got into a fight.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Yet again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I don’t even know what they were fighting about.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All I heard was my mom screaming and my Dad yelling about how “hard his life is.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I don’t know if this is healthy or not. Are people supposed to rule over another? If so, then who is supposed to rule over who? Is it the strong vs. weak? I don’t get it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I want it to stop.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I need it to stop.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>But what can I do about it?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bye, Monika</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>February 14, 2018</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dear Diary,</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I don’t like this. I don’t get this.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Is this normal? I don’t even know.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dad has a lot of bottles laying around. They seem to increase every day, like the fighting.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kids complain in school every day about how Depressed they are and how hard their lives are, but I think they just want attention.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Fuck, I hate this.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I don’t know if I can keep ignoring this.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Monika</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Dear Diary,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>what day is it? i can’t remember right now. what’s goingon? i can’t breathe.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>i need to breathe.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>why can’t i breathe?</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Okay.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Get it together.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I sound crazy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Just relax.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I think I heard something I wasn’t supposed to hear.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I heard yelling. I’m getting used to it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>However, I wanted to know why they keep fighting. Curosity killed the girl, I guess.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I listened through my parents’ bedroom door.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Their was this… this… just sickening sound. I think it was moaning, but not in a normal way. Almost in a painful way. Like… you can’t even process what’s happenning to you?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I heard Dad saying, “You shouldn’t have dressed like that if you didn’t want it,” or something like that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kids in school say they’re Depressed, that they hurt themselves, but they’re all just a bunch of attention whores.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I’m going to stop this, no matter what it takes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No matter who I become.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Monika</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>I checked the school library today. I was looking for books about Domestic Abuse, you know, what to do in that situation.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I found a book filled with spells instead.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There’s a lot of good spells in here, but I think the spell that interests me the most is a size changing spell.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Just think about it. How vulnerable and pathetic would my father, or rather the abomination of one I have, be if I shrank him?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t do anything.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nothing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’d understand how vulnerable we feel (me and my mom).</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Everyone would understand.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>It worked! The spell- it worked! He’s so small. He’s so scared. I can’t hear exactly what he’s saying, but I think he’s trying to beg for forgiveness? And pleading for his life?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As if that’d work.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>He took everything from me.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I needed guidance. I needed a loving family.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>He took that from me.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>I’ll never forgive him.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>I’ll never let him off the hook!</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Today, I’ve decided to bring my book to school.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I’ll punish those people who think their lives are so hard.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I love the power. They can’t do anything.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They’re helpless. They’ll be given really hard lives.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I think I have a mental problem, but you know what?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care at all. They deserve it for being so weak. They deserve it for crying and faking their “Depression.” They deserve for being alive.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I’m so happy. I’m so excited.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>If they don’t want to be my slaves, they can die.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I love this. I love this. I love this. I love this. I love this. I love this. I love this. I love this. Love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>When I graduate, I’ll use my magic to do whatever I want. I’ll become a guidance counseller. I’ll be popular. I’ll keep whoever I want and kill them whenever I get bored with it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I’ll wipe out the competition. Extreminate like bugs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I’ll be the person who brings justice.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Not even the universe itself could stop me!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Life can try, but nothing can stop me.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I have the whole world in my hand.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nothingness itself can’t stop me.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I don’t care if it’s wrong. I’ve earned this with my strength and magic. I have this right. I’m good. I’m bad. I’m nothing. I don’t evenn careanymore.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Am I insane? No. I’m not insane. I’m justified and nothing else can convince me otherwise.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I’m so turned on by this gift. It’s beautiful. Beuatufil indeed. I’msohappy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>HappyhappyhappYhappyHpppy</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Lidshhhhhhioihviyuidcghbfehiokdsvhhhivihiufuiedciuvihvhfduyduydudyduydyuyudyduyduyuyuyu huiudfffffffffffffffffc Lidshhhhhhioihviyuidcghbfehiokdsvhhhivihiufuiedciuvihvhfduyduydudyduydyuyudyduyduyuyuyu huiudfffffffffffffffffc </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lidshhhhhhioihviyuidcghbfehiokdsvhhhivihiufuiedciuvihvhfduyduydudyduydyuyudyduyduyuyuyu huiudfffffffffffffffffc </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lidshhhhhhioihviyuidcghbfehiokdsvhhhivihiufuiedciuvihvhfduyduydudyduydyuyudyduyduyuyuyu huiudfffffffffffffffffc </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lidshhhhhhioihviyuidcghbfehiokdsvhhhivihiufuiedciuvihvhfduyduydudyduydyuyudyduyduyuyuyu huiudfffffffffffffffffc </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lidshhhhhhioihviyuidcghbfehiokdsvhhhivihiufuiedciuvihvhfduyduydudyduydyuyudyduyduyuyuyu huiudfffffffffffffffffc </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lidshhhhhhioihviyuidcghbfehiokdsvhhhivihiufuiedciuvihvhfduyduydudyduydyuyudyduyduyuyuyu huiudfffffffffffffffffc </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lidshhhhhhioihviyuidcghbfehiokdsvhhhivihiufuiedciuvihvhfduyduydudyduydyuyudyduyduyuyuyu huiudfffffffffffffffffc </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lidshhhhhhioihviyuidcghbfehiokdsvhhhivihiufuiedciuvihvhfduyduydudyduydyuyudyduyduyuyuyu huiudfffffffffffffffffc </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Timeforanotherslavpunishment</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dontyouloveit Ido</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lovelovelovelovelove</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Godgodgodgodgodgodgod</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I don’t need help. I’m fine. I’m normal.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I’m a gudiance counseller. I know what’s right for everyone.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Or do I? I guide others, but can I even help myself?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Godgodgodgodgodgogdgod</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Help me pleasehelp me help me</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>HELPPPPPPelpme</span>
</p><p>
  <span>ELPPPPPPelpme</span>
</p><p>
  <span>ELPPPPPPelpme</span>
</p><p>
  <span>ELPPPPPPelpmeELPPPPPPelpmeELPPPPPPelpmeELPPPPPPelpmeELPPPPPPelpmeELPPPPPPelpmeELPPPPPPelpmeELPPPPPPelpmeELPPPPPPelpmeELPPPPPPelpmeELPPPPPPelpmeELPPPPPPelpmeELPPPPPPelpmeELPPPPPPelpmeELPPPPPPelpmeELPPPPPPelpmeELPPPPPPelpmeELPPPPPPelpmeELPPPPPPelpmeELPPPPPPelpmeELPPPPPPelpme</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hahahhhahhahaha</span>
</p><p>
  <span>HHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjs</span>
</p><p>
  <span>HHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjs</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>HHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjs</span>
</p><p>
  <span>HHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjs</span>
</p><p>
  <span>HHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjs</span>
</p><p>
  <span>HHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjs</span>
</p><p>
  <span>HHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjsHHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjs</span>
</p><p>
  <span>HHHHHHAHhahahagUgiagjs</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Isn’t</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>this</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>happiness?</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>I don’t know/</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>I don’t know.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>WHat’s wrong with me?</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Am I BroKeN?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I can’t be/</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I know whats best for everyone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I will never get help.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I don’t need it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I’m so happy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You should be happy too.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>To anyone reading: I will consider requests from the comments on any work of mine. However, requests that I accept will probably be faster if you comment them on here:<br/>https://archiveofourown.org/works/21213422</p></blockquote></div></div>
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